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poem Archives - Benjamin Caro

Benjamin Caro

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“Therapist”
He entered the therapist’s room
a little distracted he had
rang the doorbell and the therapist
said next time you need to knock
I told you on the phone to knock.
He was on the couch now and
he stumbled over his words and
the therapist said feel into your body
feel into your body and
you will know what to say.
The man was in the middle of talking
about his wife and whether or not but
wait he should tell the therapist about
this other thing that happened which
the other therapist knew about but not
him and the therapist stopped him and
said let me help you let
me help you breathe and then
why don’t you tell me what you came here for.
The man was breathing and taking his time
and the man was talking about how he had
maybe put himself in a cage maybe and
just then he remembered the thing he
really wanted to talk about, but the
therapist said I should really wrap up soon you
finish what you’re saying but I should really wrap up.
The man was paying the therapist his due and
the therapist told him thanks and
he shook the therapist’s hand now
as if trying to make a deal happen now and
funneled out the door. He wondered
where he parked the car
and wondered where his money went and
though he didn’t know how he felt
he wondered what just went on.
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Still, my heart. Do not
Try to love this thing.
It is a dead end, dead
Before the chance, before
Even the touch of regular air.

Still, my body. Do not
Work too hard to give this baby.
Water on a brick
Does not grow flowers. The brick stays a brick,
And cracks when it falls.

Still, my mind. Do not
Panic at this dead chunk inside.
They’re working to remove it,
And after, you can shed yourself
Of this tumor inside.

Still, my I. But my I can’t help but wonder why
And mourn a dead, just a little pound
Spilling out: My dear daughter,
First try, first kiss, my first love now blacked.
Heavy hole, and the next I fear will be another blank

Weight inside, another bad egg and another,
And instead of trying again, the terror of
This cancer will linger and tumors will continue,
And instead of two it will just be me,
Forever alone filled with tumors, my husband forever alone.

Still, I can’t let that feeling become. I will
Push against despair, because I know
Life continues, so
My heart, my body, my mind,
Be still: and push, push, push.

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